The Hazards of Reincarnation
by mrthou
Summary: This is what happens when reincarnation goes wrong. A Ranma 1/2 - Rurouni Kenshin Crossover.


**The Hazards of Reincarnation**

by mrthou

A Rurouni Kenshin - Ranma 1/2 crossover  


Best read with large quantities of alcohol or lack of sleep. (If you're not of legal drinking age, only the latter).   


**_NOT to be continued under any circumstances!_**  


* * *

* * *

_Dear Diary -_

_I just had that strange dream again. The one I keep telling you about. It's starting to scare me, just a little._

_Do normal people dream like this? Do normal people dream of blood? My dreams have been full of it lately._

It's as if I'm drowning in a river of blood. I think it's of my own making, but I'm not sure. Every aspect of me is covered in it; it soaks my clothing, stains my hair and my skin. It feels like it's flowing through me. I feel so unclean. I smell it with every breath, feel it with every move, taste in, hear it gushing, flowing, pooling with little trickles, see it in everything. I see the world as though through a red filter, but these glasses aren't rose-colored.

And then, salvation. A woman, fuzzy and indistinct, reaches out for me. And somehow, though all my own strength is not enough, she pulls me from my agony. I find a sort of happiness.

_And then I kill her._

_That part of the dream really bothers me._

_Then I see a road, stretching as far as I can see. It moves randomly, here and there, leading me to places I can't stay, to help and care for people I can't remember. It seems like I walk the path for an eternity, and I walk it alone._

_And then, at some point, I look to my side, and see that I'm alone no longer._

_My companion is a woman, not much older that I am in real life (I don't know how old my dream-self is). She has long black hair, and blue eyes, and carries a wooden sword, slung over one shoulder. She looks at me and smiles. I smile back. And we walk together._

_And then I wake up._

_It's a silly dream, I guess. Maybe I've just been reading too many shojo-manga. But she seems so familiar... She's important, somehow._

_I'm not going to be able to sleep for the rest of the night. Thank God it's Saturday. Oh. Actually, it's Sunday now. Well, at least I don't have school in the morning._

_-Akane Tendo_

* * *

Akane Tendo closed her diary and turned to face her bed. It offered no solace tonight. It offered only the promise of strange and disturbing dreams, visions of a life that she would rather not face.

Sighing, Akane rose to her feet, and walked to her door. She stared at it for a moment, wondering if she should open it and go out. Deep inside her, something was telling her that if she opened that door, the world would never again be the same. She should just go back to bed, and ignore the dreams. They couldn't hurt her. They were just dreams, after all.

She shook her head. "You're being paranoid, girl," she told herself. "There's nothing out there to worry about." Except maybe perverted fiancés. And for that, she had her mallet, of course.

Akane Tendo opened the door. Anything eventful failed to occur.

She walked down the hall, past her sisters' rooms, and down the stairs. Slowly, she made her way to the bath. As she entered the changing room, something caught her eye: a full-length mirror. Amazing, really, that it had survived intact, considering the often violent traffic this room saw. Akane looked at her reflection but saw nothing amiss other than her disheveled hair and pajamas, and the dark circles around her eyes. But what was one to expect when they had nightmares like that?

Whatever it was she was searching for, Akane wasn't going to find it here. She went out the back door, down the covered path to the dojo. Somehow, she could feel another presence inside; a familiar presence. There was the soft glow of artificial light shining dimly through the thin doors.

Akane opened the door and looked inside. There was her fiance, Ranma Saotome, in female form, scarlet hair seeming almost black in the near darkness. Akane approached her slowly, and sat down in front of her. And then something clicked inside her head.

Akane reached out, and captured a lock of her fiance's hair in her hand. She was silent for a moment more, then she said, "Umm... Kaoru-dono, you seem to have gotten my hair."

Ranma looked up in surprise, and asked, "Kenshin? What's going on?"

Akane sighed. "It seems that the gods have a twisted sense of humor."

Ryouga burst through the wall. "Where the hell am I now!?" he screamed. Then he stopped and looked at Ranma, then at Akane. He ran over to Ranma and started shaking her.

"Kenshin, you've got to help me! Something's gone horribly wrong!"

Wordlessly, Ranma pointed at Akane.

Ryouga looked horrified. "Oh, no! He got you, too! "

Akane smiled falsely. "Sano, please, calm down. What's the problem?"

"I'm not Sano, that's the problem," Ryouga shouted. "It's me, Megumi!"

"Ah, Megumi-dono. I didn't recognize you..."

"Yeah, well, the feeling's mutual. Wait, if you're Kenshin, then Ranma here must be... Kaoru?" Ryouga procured a kettle of hot water from nowhere and dumped it over the aqua-transexual. Ranma gave a rather feminine scream of pain. "Well, I don't feel quite so bad, now. I wonder where Sano ended up, anyway."

Ranma finished his writhing on the ground in pain, and hopped to his feet. He promptly slugged Ryouga in the jaw. Ryouga responded by slapping him hard enough to send Ranma flying into the nearest wall. A wrestling match promptly ensued, with much slapping and pulling of hair.

Akane boggled at the sight, and then Ukyou walked in, grumbling to herself. "And you are?"

"Sano. I think. It's still a bit fuzzy. Would you believe I almost got lost on the way here?" Ukyou then turned to watch Ryouga and Ranma. She whistled softly, and leaned over toward Akane.

"I never thought I'd see a cat fight between two men," she whispered a bit too loudly.

The sounds of scuffling stopped, and Ranma and Ryouga immediately glared at Ukyou with eyes that promised painful things if she continued to speak. She shut up.

_This is far too weird to be real,_ Akane thought. _I must still be dreaming._

Mousse walked in, Shampoo clinging tightly to him. But for some reason, he didn't seem pleased by this.

"Mousse, why the hell is Shampoo clinging to you like a... a... thing that clings to other things..." Ukyou finished lamely.

"Well, your identity is perfectly obvious, Sanosuke. I am Aoshi. It should be even within your limited intellect to figure out who she is," Mousse replied.

"Aoshi!? But you're not even Japanese! How could you be the reincarnation of a Japanese ninja?"

Mousse merely adjusted his glasses and shrugged. "Would someone please find a crowbar and pry her off of me?"  


Shampoo merely gave Mousse a reproachful glance and said, "Aoshi-sama!"  


Nabiki sauntered in wearing a rather flimsy robe and not much else. She was twirling a pen in her left hand. Ryouga's eyes bugged out, and a fountain of blood erupted from his nose. He promptly collapsed to the ground.  


"I thought you were a doctor?" Ranma said. "And you used to be a woman! She don't have nothing you didn't."  


Ryouga sat up, holding his nose. "Id's nod gwide the sabe thig. Ad besides I cad helb id."  


Nabiki chuckled. "Well, well, it seems like the whole Kenshin crew is here. We have the idiot Rooster -- or should that be spatula girl? --, the fox-boy, the tanuki-boy/girl, the weasel girl -- I suppose I'll have to call her cat-girl, now --, then wannabe Buddah. But where's the brat?"  


Akane's eyes narrowed. "Saitoh Hajime."

"Battousai."

The sisters glared at each other for a moment. Then a delusional Kendoist crashed through the roof.

"Oh, there's the brat," Nabiki commented idly.

"Who are you to call the Great Blue Thunder a brat, wench?" Kuno sat up, and then stared blankly forward in apparent shock. "Oh my God! I've been reincarnated as an imbecile!"

Nabiki smirked. "Some people would consider that an improvement, I think."

Akane shook her head. She'd had enough of this insanity. "Alright, I obviously failed to wake up properly the last time," she announced, "so I'm going back to bed until I fall asleep and wake up for real. Since all of you are clearly figments of my imagination, I'm going to have to ask you to leave, now! And whoever disturbs me will be bludgeoned about the head and shoulders with whatever blunt objects I can manage to lay hands on. **Good Night!**

She then stalked out the door and back into the house.

Ukyou was the first to shake herself out of shock. "Kenshin on PMS is a very frightening thing," she commented. The others could do nothing but nod in agreement.

* * *

_Dear Diary -_

_You thought the last dream was weird? Wait 'til you hear about this one..._

* * *

* * *

_**Fin**_

* * *

**Omake**

* * *

_Dear Diary -_

_You wouldn't believe the weird dream I just had. It was really strange._

_I was a swordsman, fighting in a war. Everything was red, covered in blood. I think it was symbolic, or something. And then, a woman appeared, and saved me._

_I think there was more, but I don't remember what. I remember a red-haired man. He was my rival, I think. I hated him. I wanted to kill him, for a while, and then, that feeling went away. And I woke up._

_Weird, huh? What, am I channeling the spirit of some great ancient swordsman? It wouldn't surprise me much, around here._

_I'm going back to sleep now._

_-Akane Tendo_

* * *

Akane closed her diary, and settled back under the covers of her bed. She tossed and turned for a bit, and then finally felt like sleep was within her grasp.  


And then there was a knock at the door.  


Akane sat up, grabbed the bokken she kept next to her bed, and stomped to the door. She grabbed the handle and flung it open. There was Ranma, her fiance, in female form. Akane glared at him.  


"Akane, I need... to... ask... um..." Ranma stammered. "Icancomebacklaterbye!" The redhead took off down the hall.  


Something clicked inside her head. She knew what must be done.  


Akane switched the bokken to her left hand, and held it up in front of her.  


"Baka. Soku. Zan."  


And she charged down the hall after her redheaded rival.  


  
  
  



End file.
